The Surrogacy Journey Begins...

April 1, 2007

One afternoon, almost a year ago, our friends Sheona and Jon came over to our house to visit us after our fifth miscarriage. That visit ended with an unbelievable proposal that is about to take us on an amazing journey: surrogacy.

A little back story for those who are unfamiliar with how it all began... Sheona, Jon, Andrés and I met in the winter of 2001/2002 through a mutual friend. The first time we saw each other was at this friend's apartment, where we were invited to dinner. We instantly liked them and were happy when we saw each other again, the following summer, at our mutual friend’s wedding. On that occasion, we were thrilled to announce that I was about 4 months pregnant, and undergoing anticoagulation treatment. We were optimistic, and they were excited for us.

Unfortunately, the treatment didn’t work in the end and in late September, when my health had started to become affected as well, we were forced to make the impossibly difficult decision of terminating it, at 22 weeks. Needless to say, we were devastated. Not only had we once again lost a child. This time, to make things more intense, I had to be induced and deliver our little stillborn daughter. As she was over 20 weeks (gestation), we also had to arrange for her cremation through a funeral home. It was just not fair. Still, we were determined to not give up. We decided to take a bit of a break and try again in a year or two.

A few months later, our mutual friend invited us all to see him perform in a play and we all got together once again. At that time, Andrés and I were about to travel to Chile to visit our families and we were lamenting about how expensive dog sitters were. We decided that we should introduce their dog, Rosa, and ours, Lucas. Maybe, if they got along, we could dogsit for each other. Later that night, I shared with Sheona the story of our four failed pregnancies, and our deep desire to become parents. Rather than wallow in my sadness, a tempting enough thought, I was determined to “fix” the problem. A doctor had investigated my miscarriages and was offering a treatment that could possibly help me carry to term.

That winter, we travelled to Chile and took our baby’s ashes with us, to scatter in the ocean at the beach where Andrés and I had married. When we returned, Sheona and Jon had exciting news to report... Sheona was expecting! Life as a never-ending cycle was evident, and the beginning of this new life – a true miracle – gave way to another beginning: our friendship.

The night before Henley came into the world, ironically Labour Day, Andrés and I had dinner with Sheona and Jon and marvelled at Sheona's rather square looking belly. I took pictures of her belly and her poor swollen feet for posterity, so she could also marvel after the baby was born. It seemed that she could give birth that night, and when the phone rang at 6 am the next morning, our suspicion was confirmed. Sheona was in the throes of labour, and her heavy labour breathing was freaking Rosa out (as Sheona was delivering at home), so I drove over to pick her up. Beautiful Henley was born later that day.

A year and a half later, in January 2005, Andrés and I were once again ready to try, so we called the doctors and got busy. Then, on April 2nd, I suffered a thrombosis in a cerebral vein. Truthfully, I was lucky to have survived unscathed. I was immediately and permanently put on blood thinners and spent 10 days in the hospital. This put our baby plans on hold until October, when an MRI revealed my cerebral veins had fully recovered. I became pregnant again for the last time in October.

This time, aside from the anticoagulation treatment that I had to do anyway for my own health, I was also put on rounds of IV Ig, a syrupy goo of antibodies that was intended to busy my immune system to prevent it from zeroing in on the pregnancy. The pregnancy was going really well. The placenta was how it needed to be, all the blood tests were coming back with the right numbers, and the ultrasounds all looked good. I wasn’t feeling so great, though. The IV Ig was causing me to react with meningitis-like pain; morning sickness was unbearable and I gave up my life, practically, for days on end in bed, feeling green and unable to withstand the smell of even lettuce; until, one day, my poor frustrated husband found out about a little pill called Diclectin that could help. And it really did!! I was able to eat again without fear.

The only thing I feared was the 19 week ultrasound. I had never made it past that point with flying colours. My third miscarriage had been discovered at that ultrasound, and my fourth pregnancy was deemed as “doomed” after that ultrasound. But, I tried to reassure myself, told myself everything would be fine. Given the previous pregnancy, my thought was that this time they’d find something going awry, but that we’d have enough time to get me to where I could deliver a preemie with a good enough chance of surviving. I walked into that ultrasound with that thought, so it came as an enormous blow to find out the baby had already passed away, likely two or three weeks earlier. It turned into one of the longest days of our lives, as there was much waiting to see doctors, trying hard to be rational and not break down, but feeling incredibly vulnerable and disappointed. Finally, I was admitted into the hospital to be induced that same day. They took me off the anticoagulants immediately and induced labour the following day. I stayed in the hospital for another day until I was able to see all my doctors, and went home feeling empty and sore once again.

What were we going to do now? I was told that in all likelihood I was not going to ever have a successful pregnancy. My body was taking longer to recover each time and now that I had already suffered a thrombosis, we had to be cautious. My doctor had hinted at surrogacy as an alternative, but it seemed so far-fetched and contrived! But, I guess in an effort to recover emotionally from this loss, I dove into researching the topic. We even contacted an “agent” to ask about the process. The cost floored us though, and adoption was also very expensive. Then, all of a sudden, one after another my sister and our friends started to offer to be our surrogates. God bless them! We couldn’t believe their generosity, but somehow it didn’t feel right. I have no doubt that their offers were sincere, but already going this route to have a baby seemed a bit nuts. I just thought I’d rather do it with a stranger than a close friend.

And then Sheona and Jon came over that afternoon. I told Sheona about my research into the possibility of surrogacy, and she said something like “We’ve also been thinking about it”. I somehow took this to mean that she had also thought of turning to a surrogate to have her baby, I guess because she had also suffered a miscarriage earlier that year, and because my mind was somewhere else... Then the clouds parted and I realized she was offering to be OUR surrogate! And the weirdest thing happened... this time it felt like a perfect match.

This is how this story begins, one early April afternoon, much like today.